sunflowers and solitude

 A new year has broken through ice on the doorstep and I'm sitting on a bed where the light from a candle makes rabbits and moon crescents dance on the wall. I really should be catching my to-do list the way a hungry hawk catches the kingfisher, instead I am cross legged on a bed wishing I had nowhere else to be. I'd like for a moment only — to sit here and be silent without any room for what if's. I can dream about tomorrow, tomorrow. Today, it is necessary like air to be cross legged on my bed, eating licorice until my lips turn red and writing for the sake of it.

Being in love with a musician and being a music-maker myself, conversations and introductions to new faces and names to remember happens for us every day. Most of these faces become beautiful friends who fit like the nourishment of a poem in our lives, but sometimes you are left feeling overwhelmed and begging to board a one way train to solitude. I wouldn't trade it for the moon or the spark of a distant star — but learning how to take time for only you and the quiet whispering of your heart is the key to keeping the fruits in your basket from going sour.

I need to remember this.

 I have always been a person who reaches for solitude over soda pop and home over somebody else's house, but in the last year, I have felt that by saying no or staying home alone, I was living strangely or inconsiderately of my friends. It saddens me to think of how I have learned to abandon the very thing which grew me as a person. Solitude is not shameful. Solitude is to me what soil is to the sunflower — without it, I simply cannot be. So 2016, whatever becomes of you, I will relish in moments like this one where I am quiet and alone.

 

For those of you who like the sunflower kissed dress I am wearing, you can visit Voodoo Vixen with the code Kite20 for 20% off of your entire purchase. They are a lovely shop with vintage inspired garments fit for all body shapes!

 outfit details: Voodoo Vixen dress*, Value Village / thrifted boots, Free People socks, Mum's sweater

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