what makes the gardener garden

A dozen leafy plants begin to blossom out of the valleys I made in the garden — everything is alive and then suddenly, it's not. Is this what makes the gardener garden? Is this why we rush to the raspberry bush and eat the pulp of watermelon so hastily as it drips from our chin? I sit where blades of grass grow like a long distance friend showing up for a short but happy time, they are here underneath the naked sky and I relish in knowing how beautiful this is to me.

I wander to the watering hose and fill my bucket till it weighs like a full grown dog leaped upon my lap. I use all of the strength I've ever known to lift it. I water the flowers. My arms twitch. I find a sense of motherhood by carrying a heavy bucket to give life to delicate living things. Other times, I feel like a hurricane, swishing and sloshing as wobbly me carries the bucket from the hose and into the garden, losing most of the water along the way. There are little things in the daylight of June that make even the most melancholy of my moods disappear and seem forgotten until darkness comes around again. I understand myself best in the world of shoveling soil, carrying buckets of water, and being hugged by the electric blanket we call summer. I see everything as it is — short lasting but bright like a life well lived.
 

In the mornings, I rise like my feet are on a trampoline, eager to see the ground below me from way up high. I run outside to witness if summer is still here. "It's only just beginning, Amy." says C. I doubt him, I need my own proof. I look at the garden, my flowers are still growing. I put my feet upon the blades of grass, it still feels warm. I look towards the sky and see a dark cloud coming from the west, "Is that winter, already?" I keep to myself. I know in my head, winter is closer to yesterday than tomorrow, but still I am afraid of being left by the sun. These days of watermelon pulp and raspberry picking are sweeter than the candy I grew up eating at the gas station down from the school.
 

Let me stay here in the sun all day, let me press pause.

 

  The Outfit

Skirt – Oasap
Blouse & Hat – Value Village
Holt Renfrew Bow Belt – Value Village
Shoes – An online store that doesn't exist anymore. If you find a similar pair, let me know!

  

The Location

Ravine behind my home

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